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Add one part satire to two parts sincerity. Sprinkle on a couple of rants. Stir liberally.
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I'm the newly-appointed Future editor at Business 2.0 and the former San Francisco correspondent for Time Magazine.
Wow, so does this mean everything you write reflects Time Inc's opinion? Or do you perhaps have some sort of standard disclaimer to the effect that it doesn't?
Naturally, the opinions contained in this blog are not those of my employers. In fact, some opinions may be the polar opposite of my employers. Some may be the same, for all I know. Hey, it's not like I ask my employers their opinions about everything in the news, okay? Let's just say that if this were a Venn diagram with one circle marked "my opinions" and the other one marked "my employers' opinions", there would doubtless be some overlap. But neither I nor my employers are able to pinpoint exactly where that overlap is.
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An experiment for a column I wrote about blogging back in December 2001. All these years later, I haven't been able to kick the habit.
If it's called Daily Blah, how come you don't ... hey, wait, you're writing every day!
See? Told you I'd try harder.
Mister, you talk funny. Are you one of them furrners?
Why yes I am, as it happens. I was born, raised and educated in Great Britain. I've been living in the U.S. since 1996 and identify as British.
I say, old chap, you forgot the "u" in "colour."
No I didn't. I may identify as British, but I am also an American journalist writing for an American audience about mostly American issues. These two different sides of me are a constant source of tension. Nevertheless, Daily Blah will adhere to American English grammar and spelling.
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Daily Blah for... Wednesday, December 17, 2003
More Milkshake
The longer that song plays on a tape-loop in my brain, the more I see a disturbing edge it. This could, in fact, be my first post-30 "the younger generation is going to hell" moment. Let's take a look at the main refrain:
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
And they're like, it's better than yours
Damn right, it's better than yours
I could teach you, but I'd have to charge
Now, presumably the song is being addressed to some female rival for the milkshake-starved affections of the "boys." Leaving aside grammatical doubts (is that supposed to be a direct quote from the boys? Why not put it in the third person -- "it's better than hers"?), what we are left with is a rather hollow celebration of cattiness and capitalism. The singer -- let's call her Girl A -- is overjoyed at the validation she receives from the boys, and throws it in the face of Girl B. Does she not think for a moment that this might be exactly what the boys intended: to spark a competition between the girls, in which the boys can be the only winners? What happened to sisterhood? Is feminism dead? Is it all about pleasing the boys now? As much would certainly be suggested by the song's bridge:
La la la la la
Warm it up
La la la la la
The boys are waiting
So Girl A's only empowerment comes from running what is effectively a capitalist enterprise. She's got the milkshake; the boys are milkshake consumers; more consumers means better business. And if Girl B wants to muscle in on Girl A's business, she'll either run her out of town with aggressive advertizing or make a profit out of teaching her secrets. Change the wording a little, and the song could be a company's annual report:
Our nonfat emulsified dairy beverage product attracts an overwhelming plurality of the adolescent male market to our open-air operational headquarters
This market segment enthusiastically endorsed the product over a leading rival brand
We agree wholeheartedly
A recipe licensing agreement with said rival would significantly enhance our pretax gross margin earnings
Sexy? I don't think so. Annoying? Certainly. Clinging to the inside of my cranium? Yes, and if anyone has any tips on how to extract it, now would be the time.
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