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Add one part satire to two parts sincerity. Sprinkle on a couple of rants. Stir liberally.
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Daily Blah FAQ
Who are you?
I'm the newly-appointed Future editor at Business 2.0 and the former San Francisco correspondent for Time Magazine.
Wow, so does this mean everything you write reflects Time Inc's opinion? Or do you perhaps have some sort of standard disclaimer to the effect that it doesn't?
Naturally, the opinions contained in this blog are not those of my employers. In fact, some opinions may be the polar opposite of my employers. Some may be the same, for all I know. Hey, it's not like I ask my employers their opinions about everything in the news, okay? Let's just say that if this were a Venn diagram with one circle marked "my opinions" and the other one marked "my employers' opinions", there would doubtless be some overlap. But neither I nor my employers are able to pinpoint exactly where that overlap is.
What is this Daily Blah thing?
An experiment for a column I wrote about blogging back in December 2001. All these years later, I haven't been able to kick the habit.
If it's called Daily Blah, how come you don't ... hey, wait, you're writing every day!
See? Told you I'd try harder.
Mister, you talk funny. Are you one of them furrners?
Why yes I am, as it happens. I was born, raised and educated in Great Britain. I've been living in the U.S. since 1996 and identify as British.
I say, old chap, you forgot the "u" in "colour."
No I didn't. I may identify as British, but I am also an American journalist writing for an American audience about mostly American issues. These two different sides of me are a constant source of tension. Nevertheless, Daily Blah will adhere to American English grammar and spelling.
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Daily Blah for... Saturday, February 07, 2004
Who Let the Doggerel Out?
Spent the morning polishing off Deadline Poet by the old Time columnist, gadfly and Renaissance man Calvin Trillin. It’s a collection of news-based doggerel he wrote every week or so in the 80’s and 90’s, inspired initially by the wonderfully euphonious name of the first President Bush’s chief of staff, John Sununu (which gave rise to Trillin’s maiden poem, “If you knew what Sununu”). It struck me throughout how relatively civil, free-thinking and even whimsical the national discourse seemed back then. Far better breeding ground for poetry than the hyper-serious nonsense we have these days, in other words. One can’t imagine the war on terror or weapons of mass destruction as the subject for light-hearted verse. Then it struck me: there is one news item perfect for this subject. The following lines, very much in Trillin’s style, showed up at the door of my consciousness and declared their intention to stay:
Janet Jackson bared her breast
Now we won’t let the matter rest
Once I’d given these lines admittance, there was no stopping their brethren. I offer them here with full apologies to Trillin and, indeed, every poet and poetry lover in the entire world. Remember, you’re free to browse the rest of the web at any moment.
Suspense at this year’s Super Bowl
Had naught to do with one field goal.
Under Houston’s halftime weather
An 80’s starlet, clad in leather
Bid us forget about her brother
By dancing with a rumored lover
(Who, to make himself seem hipper
acquired a nickname: Just the Ripper).
With careless choreography
They dared reveal one mammary
Whose owner did seem quite surprised
At what had just been televised –
Though if what we had so briefly seen
Was not intended for the screen
Why cover with metallic sheen?
Response came quickly. “Keep it clean!”
Joe Public bellowed. “Have a heart!"
(While chuckling at an equine fart).
"Our kids were watching, as a treat!
How shall we explain this tete?”
Now one brief moment of undress
Could cost the folks at CBS.
An FCC investigation
will soothe the wah-wahs of a nation
Who claim: "she caused this moral quake
(We’ve quite forgotten Timberlake)".
Though wardrobe loss is nothing new
For this one-time ingénue --
We heard no more than a rel'tive groan
When she bared all for Rolling Stone –
Yet now, we fear, she’s gone too far.
Should Bush appoint a Nipple Czar?
Yes, Janet Jackson bared her breast
and we won’t let the matter rest.
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