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Add one part satire to two parts sincerity. Sprinkle on a couple of rants. Stir liberally.
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Daily Blah FAQ
Who are you?
I'm the newly-appointed Future editor at Business 2.0 and the former San Francisco correspondent for Time Magazine.
Wow, so does this mean everything you write reflects Time Inc's opinion? Or do you perhaps have some sort of standard disclaimer to the effect that it doesn't?
Naturally, the opinions contained in this blog are not those of my employers. In fact, some opinions may be the polar opposite of my employers. Some may be the same, for all I know. Hey, it's not like I ask my employers their opinions about everything in the news, okay? Let's just say that if this were a Venn diagram with one circle marked "my opinions" and the other one marked "my employers' opinions", there would doubtless be some overlap. But neither I nor my employers are able to pinpoint exactly where that overlap is.
What is this Daily Blah thing?
An experiment for a column I wrote about blogging back in December 2001. All these years later, I haven't been able to kick the habit.
If it's called Daily Blah, how come you don't ... hey, wait, you're writing every day!
See? Told you I'd try harder.
Mister, you talk funny. Are you one of them furrners?
Why yes I am, as it happens. I was born, raised and educated in Great Britain. I've been living in the U.S. since 1996 and identify as British.
I say, old chap, you forgot the "u" in "colour."
No I didn't. I may identify as British, but I am also an American journalist writing for an American audience about mostly American issues. These two different sides of me are a constant source of tension. Nevertheless, Daily Blah will adhere to American English grammar and spelling.
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Daily Blah for... Tuesday, March 30, 2004
Boobgate: The Nipple Speaks Out
As part of the promotional blitz for Janet Jackson's new CD, "Damita Jo," Virgin records has at last made Jackson's world-famous right nipple available for press interviews. Daily Blah caught up with the offending appendage by phone earlier this week.
Daily Blah: So how are you coping with your new-found fame?
Jackson's nipple: It's pretty lousy, to tell you the truth.
DB: How so?
JN: You know what? Even Z-list celebs get 15 minutes of fame. I had like five seconds in front of a global audience before she covered me up. That's it; those five seconds were never repeated. Every time the networks showed the moment again, they fuzzed me out with that dumbass pixelation. Have you seen me on the cover of the new album?
DB: No.
JN: Exactly. She's naked and yet she goes and covers me up again. Turns me furthest away from the camera, too. Like I was the one who did something wrong.
DB: But look at what you've achieved. You were the subject of the most TiVo'd moment in television history.
JN: Yeah, but ask yourself why was everyone rewinding their TiVos? Because they weren't sure if they'd seen me or not. It's the same whenever anyone talks about me now. They're never like, 'wow, what an amazing nipple that was,' they're always like, 'was it really exposed? I mean, I saw this flashy silver thing,' and blah, blah, blah. I feel like the freakin' invisible man. It's called a starburst, people. It's designed to show me off, not hide me. Get over it.
DB: Did it come as a surprise when you were revealed?
JN: Not really. The fact that she put the starburst on me and not Lefty told me something was up. But let me tell you, Timberlake is not a gentle guy. Did you see the way he ripped that leather cover? I was like 'woah, dude, watch the areola!' And then there was the sudden temperature change, which is never good. That's another reason I'm pissed -- for the handful of seconds everyone saw me, I was not exactly ready for my close-up.
DB: Any plans for a solo career?
JN: Not here. Are you kidding? The FCC would kill me. I'm thinking I'll jump ship next time we're in Europe; maybe Spain or Italy, where my kind shows up on TV all the time and nobody screams about it. They know how to treat a nipple with respect.
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