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The increasingly inaccurately-named blog of journalist and futurist Chris Taylor. Either the most sporadically brilliant amateur blog, the most brilliantly amateur sporadic blog, or the most amateur sporadic brilliance on the Web since 2001.
Oh My God, the RSS Feed Actually Works!
Daily Blah FAQ
Who are you?
I'm the newly-appointed Future editor at Business 2.0 and the former San Francisco correspondent for Time Magazine.
Wow, so does this mean everything you write reflects Time Inc's opinion? Or do you perhaps have some sort of standard disclaimer to the effect that it doesn't?
Naturally, the opinions contained in this blog are not those of my employers. In fact, some opinions may be the polar opposite of my employers. Some may be the same, for all I know. Hey, it's not like I ask my employers their opinions about everything in the news, okay? Let's just say that if this were a Venn diagram with one circle marked "my opinions" and the other one marked "my employers' opinions", there would doubtless be some overlap. But neither I nor my employers are able to pinpoint exactly where that overlap is.
What is this Daily Blah thing?
An experiment for a column I wrote about blogging back in December 2001. All these years later, I haven't been able to kick the habit.
Do you write any other blogs, by chance? Could that have something to do with the fact that Daily Blah isn't always Daily?
Yes -- the Future Boy blog for Business 2.0. And yes. If you want true, editorially-mandated daily coverage from me, that's probably the best place to look.
Mister, you talk funny. Are you one of them furrners?
Why yes I am, as it happens. I was born, raised and educated in Great Britain. I've been living in the U.S. since 1996 and identify as British.
I say, old chap, you forgot the "u" in "colour."
No I didn't. I may identify as British, but I am also an American journalist writing for an American audience about mostly American issues. These two different sides of me are a constant source of tension. Nevertheless, Daily Blah will adhere to American English grammar and spelling.
Praise for Daily Blah:
"It is fun to watch the author's navel-gazing joy." - Sunday Times (UK)
"It's really funny and informative." - Dave Eggers, author
"The Blah is becoming a daily destination for me." - Richard Marsh, Playwright
"I like it, and I don't." - Fiona Hogg, Teacher
"Better than Xanax." - Lessley Andersen, journalist
"Dude, lay off the crack pipe." - Souris Hong-Porretta, gamesmith
Friends, Bloggers, Countrymen ... lend your ears to these people. I come not to bury them, but praise them.
Arik
Bill
Dan
Cole
Emily B
Emily G
Helena
Jee
Jewelz
Kaila
Kathryn
Mac
Robin
Slim
Souris
Mr. West
My TIME articles
All magazine articles (subscription required for older stories)
Online column index
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Daily Blah for... Sunday, February 05, 2006
How to Get More Humans
Thank you for clicking on Daily Blah. Your click is important to us. Please stay on the site, and the next available reader service agent will be with you momentarily. Your surfing may be monitored for NSA training purposes. Your estimated wait time is ... two ... thousand ... hours. If you'd like to leave a number where you can be reached, please press 1.
READER: Get human.
ME: I'm sorry, I don't understand. If you'd like to leave a number ...
READER (with anger): GET HUMAN!
(Pause. Series of bleeps. Dial tone. Click. The sounds of a bustling call center)
ME (bored and chewing something): ThanksforcallingdailyblahmynameisChris. HowmayIprovideyouwithexcellentcustomerservicetoday?
READER: Hello. I'd like to know how to hack my way through voice mail hell and talk to human beings at a wide variety of large, soulless companies with minimal disruption to my precious time and state of inner peace, please.
ME: Alright, I can help you with that. Are you sitting in front of your computer at this time?
READER: Of course, you idiot. What do you think I'm doing, tanning myself on a beach in Bermuda?
ME: Alright, what I'd like you to do is go ahead and open a browser window, then go ahead and type in h, then t, then t, then p, then colon, then forward slash, then forward slash, then double-u, double-u, double u --
READER: Hang on. Can't you just give me a link to this website?
ME (pauses, chews some more): I'm afraid I'm not authorized to do that at this time.
READER (sighs): Okay. What's next?
ME: Go ahead and type in "gethuman.com". You'll find a comprehensive list of cheats for getting through various voice mail trees -- when to press zero, even if the robotic voice claims that's an invalid entry; when to raise your voice, which the computer will often recognize and put you through to a human faster, and when to yell "get human" at the top of your lungs, which is appropriate, existential, and highly satisfying.
READER (surprised): Wow, that's actually helpful.
ME: My pleasure. Is there anything else I can do for you today?
READER: Well, I'd like to transfer a large amount of money from my bank account into the Daily Blah Benevolent Bermuda Travel Fund, please.
ME: Alright, sir/m'am. I can help you with that. If you'd just like to go ahead and leave your account, routing and check number in the comments section, I'll take care of it.
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